God Save the Cinema

Let’s play the ‘imagine a world without [blank] game’. Kinda scary to me how most people’s version of this is ‘imagine a world with no TikTok’ and then seeing their Munch-like screams as they try to picture survival without the 15 sec fix of a reel. It’s so not reel. What’s actually so funny? Put an ep of Taskmaster on (Season 2 with Joe Wilkinson) and watch some real comedy. Some of the Oxford ‘Words of the Year’ have been kinda jokes: bovvered, ‘face with tears of joy emoji’ but brain-rot (2024 winner) is lowkey not actually that funny. BECAUSE SINCE WHEN WAS A ROTTED BRAIN IN? 

My idea of post-apocalyptic would be no cinemas. I’d take no social media (maybe not Instagram) but sure take the reel tab away from me, I’d happily go back to the pre-2016 era (beige Polaroid OneStep instant camera logo) when we used to post our lattes. But if my local cinema shut down it would be game over, like then I’d pull an Edvard Munch scream. A Vue, an Everyman, a Showcase, a Picturehouse (haven’t yet tried a Cineworld) is the spot.

It’s literally my love language, like under any circumstances spending over six British pounds on popcorn should not be okay, but like it is because you’re at the cinema. A box of sweet pop (don’t insult me with salted) is synonymous with the movie experience. And like don’t bother hitting the supermarket before and getting Tesco’s own to save money, because you need the box, and hey, when you get the good overpriced stuff it’s still warm. Skip to the credits - have you ever experienced the walk out of screen [1/2/3/4/5//6/7/8] after watching a gooooodddd film and feeling it alter your brain chem? Yeah it’s more rare nowadays, which is why you should go to Prince Charles and see an oldie, but there’s nothing else like it.