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I am a lover of Belle and Sebastian, the quintessential Glaswegian indie pop band formed in 1996, often compared to Nick Drake, Nico or Camera Obscura. So when I saw that Stuart Murdoch, lead singer and songwriter, was visiting Brudenell Social Club in Leeds to discuss his 'Nobody's Empire' novel, I jumped for press tickets. It was a night of book readings, songs, and a live Q&A - but also one of laughing, crying, loving and connection.
My best friend lives in Leeds, and although she had no idea what I was taking her to, she gladly joined me with my handy +1 ticket. Upon arrival, we sat down near the back of the many rows of seats, as Murdoch stood on stage, preparing to read some excerpts. Although his novel had just been released, I had been eagerly listening to the self-narrated audiobook in preparation for the night. To hear his voice read, just like he had from my headphones, was surreal.
His readings honest and sensitive, he spoke of his Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) through stories of his two other best friends with ME, and how they would slowly walk around Glasgow, and lay on the grass at the auditorium (if it wasn’t too wet). This passive narrative of life with ME explained how the condition walks with you, becoming the factor that you need to seamlessly steer your life around. He referenced some musical pieces that the protagonist (Stephen) liked, such as The Sundays, the soundtrack of Betty Blue, Ella Fitzgerald and Felt.
Murdoch also told a passage that he later admitted was only read for Leeds - detailing conversations with his best friend, Carrie about masturbation and how it would take the life out of him for a few days. 35 years later, Carrie, a both fictional and non-fictional character from the novel, is still his best friend. ME is the foundation of this story, he told us, as it was written with the ME community in mind - for people to connect to.
“Sorry to be an idiot, but what is ME?”, a man in the audience stood up to ask during the Q&A - a question you might be wondering too. Murdoch graciously explained what it is - ME is also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). “It is fatigue that arises and never leaves. When you go to bed, and when you wake up, it is always there”. This can make daily activities extremely difficult to perform, and varies for everyone; some people may experience symptoms similar to late-stage AIDS, he said.
For the first 7 years of Belle and Sebastian, Murdoch kept quiet about his ME, as “not to lumber them [his bandmates] with it”, but when he had his first child, this secret burst. Murdoch is now an Ambassador for the Open Medicine Foundation, working toward raising awareness for ME and CFS very successfully.
Nobody’s Empire is a novel, yet it is so auto-biographical. Where does Stuart stop and where does Stephen start? Murdoch expressed that he has been “living a tissue of lies”, through songwriting, he was never able to truly delve into his personal life and history. He said he was “used to writing these songs and living in a little bubble”. For Murdoch, this novel appears to be an act of liberation - finally, he can be honest. Songs allow for some metaphors and prose - they “allow you to dip your toe in it”, but a novel “hits it on the nose”. Murdoch said this difference in nature attracted him to a novel.
Murdoch’s relationship with faith is an intertwining theme throughout his novel. He said his ability to write music started when he started to believe in God. “Where did this music come from? It’s like a celestial radio station”. From then, he found it hard not to believe, and has been to church ever since. Murdoch’s spiritual practices have also guided his songwriting routine, as he explained that he gets his song ideas when he wakes up or when he’s meditating.
Though, how does he actually write? Murdoch simply quoted Mary Heaton Vorse, “The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair.” After a grin, he said “Write from life, write about yourself, write about your feelings, don’t think about what other people are going to think about you, life is short, take up meditation.” The tone he said this in felt like an arrow to the chest.
We arrived back a few minutes late after the 20 minute interval, and Murdoch was already strumming his acoustic guitar and singing ‘Get me away from here, I’m dying’. “Oh my god this is my favourite song”, I whispered as we danced to find an empty space to stand, now all seats were taken by late-comers. It was an otherworldly experience to see him perform it, with the crowd swaying in their seats and not a phone in sight. The song I sing as I make my dinner and the song I tap my foot to on the bus was now flowing through my very senses, raw and real. He then sang ‘Nobody’s Empire’, the song which the novel is named after; a metaphorical piece for his ME and his relationship with faith during the hardest times.
In the Q&A, I stuck my hand up and asked, “What was the inspiration behind the monochrome album covers and book cover?”. As all the covers have one theme; grey, red, green, yellow, pink. I knew this question was not to do with the contents of his novel, his ME, or his faith but, I really wanted to know!
He began to answer, the cover for first album Tigermilk was of Joanne Kelley, his girlfriend at the time, when the monochrome began. He said they tried to make it look like the covers from Blue Note Records. Such as Wayne Shorter’s Speak No Evil or Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers’ Moanin’. He said, “we took the colour out of a picture, we bumped up the contrast, we put a colour through it… and it looked like a Smiths record.” Everyone laughed - in mutual despise of Morrissey.
When the magical evening came to an end, Stuart announced he was staying behind to sell and sign copies of ‘Nobody’s Empire’, where those with chronic conditions could skip the queue to speak to him sooner. An hour and a half past the end of show, I heard he was still there chatting with people. It was a pleasure to see and speak to Stuart Murdoch in the flesh, a man with the potential to inspire anyone.
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